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2012
March 22
The Big Bang
The Big Bang

I went to bed normal, I woke up Mad.

They say never go to Amsterdam with your partner, turns out to be true – I just never expected one could break ones brain.

August 15
Bettina
Bettina

Somehow ended up near Guilford in an attempt to seek answers.

Was told, no.

Then, I asked this lady to suppose I was autistic, could she give me anything to help survive.

The lady did, and so I met this country’s leading expert on my type of autism, Midlife Undiagnosed, who was called Bettina Stott.
Bettina told me it takes from diagnoses to being able to see her: Three Years.

Somehow, someway, I convinced Bettina to start seeing me now. Which she did.

October 10
NHS Shrink

Got to see a Shrink on the NHS, Dr Earl – had no idea what fresh hell this would be!

imagine, a doctor not believing you?

December 12
My Diagnoses

I finally saw a doctor whom knew what he was doing, within 30 minutes I was all done, complete with a list of conditions.

It was confirmed, autistic, ADHD and depression.

Most importantly, I got access to ADHD medication – finally.

2013
January 15
Start of a New Year & a New Life

First three months where a battle, however, one that I was winning.

Everything was finally coming together, including connecting with my partner of almost 20years.
It was, without doubt, the best 3 months of our relationship.

In reality, it was just a pause before my story went from unreal to unbelievable.

March 6
Then, she was gone

What started out as a promise of miscommunication and that she would never leave me, ended up with her gone just 48 hours later.

However, she said she would be back, shower, change and go – as she wanted to play tennis in the morning of the day she was leaving.

Given the promise she had made me, just 48 hours earlier, I thought I had misunderstood something. Oh no, she was up in the morning and out to play.
Then she was back, packed and left.

Me? I broke. I broke bad.
Plus, I wasn’t running that well to begin with.

Oh, I wasn’t given a reason.
I wasn’t given a chance to change.
She just left, like a good Roman Catholic.

May 8
Relationship? Over

We met a few times before she dropped the “its over but I am not going to say it outright, that way I can trick you into saying it”.

All she was interested in was whether I was working. She seemed to think that even a Trolly Wally for Waitrose was an option.
Ha! Like my Mental Health was able to take anything like that.

I still remember her last visit to what was our home for ten years.
She kissed me on the head, each of the cats and said goodbye to her chinchillas.

She then walked out the door and I have never seen or spoken to her since.
What didn’t cross my mind was just how much she must have hated me.

As she left without letting anyone know what was going on or without me being able to something such as… buy food.

All I remember is sitting on the floor, in floods on tears, trying to find a friend whom could come and stay.

Ivan! Perfect, his company allowed him to work from anywhere, there was a local office and as it was an American company they even understood mental health.
When I called and asked, I still remember the last words he ever said to me “get Spencer to come over instead”.

June 11
Anti-Depressant Horror

I had told my Shrink, Dr Earl, almost every time I saw him that I was never to go onto Anti-Depressants, I was so scared of what might happen.

I would take, please Sir, Pregabalin as it is one of the new types of Anti- Psychotic drugs designed to prevent Anxiety. Over in the USA it wasn’t such a new drug.
In fact, it had almost replaced one of the most dangerous types of drugs there is, anti-depressants.

I was told I could not take it. Which turned out to be a lie due to the ignorance of Dr. Earl.

The NHS Trust which I was under, specifically said Pregabalin should be allowed for anyone with ADHD.
Shock, horror – despite my diagnoses this shrink didn’t believe that I suffered from either ADHD or from being autistic.

During this visit, I was bad. So bad that every time he asked me a question, it would take me around 5 to 10 minutes to answer. This was due to me having to run so many checks to determine what he actually was asking.

When he told me he was going to prescribe Anti-Depressents it came over as an Autistic Order.
Which meant, despite me telling him every visit up until this one, I had no choice but to take the one drug I was scared would end my life.

Once again – I was right.

 

It would take two years of seeing him before he admitted he agreed. Yet it was when he told me he had gone back and re-read all the emails I had sent him over that two year period.

“Simon, it was like you could see the future. Everything you said would happen, did come true.”

“Doctor, it was a shame you never believed me at the time, else my life might not have collapsed into non-exsistance.”

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