Re: emotional impact starting to hit

was confused as that means i should have gone through my OCD stage / only to realise / slept 2hrs last night / 6m walk / most of day cleaning a hotel room (which is not logical – even though i understand why) / even changed the bed.
my diet has been 4 packs of new not-in-a-pot but in-a-packet pot noodles every day since moving here other than 2 i believe.

also fighting depression – forgot how it likes to remind one, hard, when things are going well.
only way i know to keep it at bay is laughter.
have taken decision to go to pub for max of 2hrs for laughter injection.
or
could be excuse to have 3 x double bourbon at the cheapest place in any town / weathersppons.
this one is a heck of a lot more OAP than my old one.

never mind, as least i don’t have to worry about being lynched – well, at least on the walk there 🙂
am trying / yes, we know, very trying.

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Please note that it is NOT possible for to read emails at the moment, due to health issues.
If one needs to get hold of me then the only way is to call, please.
If I do not answer please try again, I am not avoiding calls, just sometimes I cannot answer. 
I also cannot listen to voice mails. 
Text messages are okay if its possible to send to me.
I thank you for your understanding.

On 9 Mar 2023, at 17:31, Simon Edgley wrote:
that not one person whom has ever said that they love me – cares whether I’m dead or alive.
don’t know why that is now bothering me – have known it for years.

Maybe its bacuase of this feeling Safe is releasing processing power.
what i do know is there is a chunk of emotion starting to build up that is going to over whelm me.

night terrors are back – one was defiantly about the man whom would be known as my father dying and me not knowing – let alone go to his funeral.
don’t get me wrong – he is a nasty man that i wouldn’t choose to go to.

so why is this stuff bothering me?

once again i find myself somewhere completely new, knowing nobody, and it all coming down to somehow making friends with people.
something i used to do without thinking.

have to stop thinking about this completely, somehow, as just try8ing to find words for the emotions inside stops me from protecting myself from them hitting.

should be used to it being just me and Cat. given that i have spent this year, last year and the year before all on my lonesome.

have to turn it around – at least i don’t have to worry about getting bday or Christmas presents for anyone – lol, like i could afford too antiwar.

right enough – i can feel the need to explode into tears – cannot give into that.

laters.

——————————————————————————————————————————
Please note that it is NOT possible for to read emails at the moment, due to health issues.
If one needs to get hold of me then the only way is to call, please.
If I do not answer please try again, I am not avoiding calls, just sometimes I cannot answer. 
I also cannot listen to voice mails. 
Text messages are okay if its possible to send to me.
I thank you for your understanding.