| 1/2/3 starting 2am and building to a finish around 6am, person above me was doing something constantly, moving around, moving things around, possible hoovering the whole time.
Each noise caused PTSD to flash.
Last nights plan was to stop it at 3, cos it not good.
working with my short comings, rather than lie to myself,
i knew i needed my adhd input and so did something that means neither party is happy / compromise.
and so, i was to leave at 7.30, spend no more than 90m and back.
that way, the urger to go which gets stronger the later it is was allowed for.
Queue that moment in the movie.
Ping
mate, will be in pub at 10
and from there, it went down.
yet i performed alsmot perfectly.
getting back at 3
for once almost no noise above
with no chance of sleep owing to that evening events.
Sundays are normally the one day of the week i don’t take ADHD meds and spend the day, say, watching colombo turn and say, just one more question.
not this one.
dealing autistic overload – taking a clean space and emptying everything into a pile – as there must be a better, more logical way to store
OCD – got to have everything clean and tidy
Result:
going to use all powers to slow myself down as day progresses.
must sleep tonight
only done 5 days once before.
This upcoming week:
Do not expect anything of me
I need to reset control of me to me
Will need to make up all those lost hours of sleep
And so, please,
any paperwork agreed to be done “this week”
unlikely, yet if i can it will be done before i know it
NO meetings
No Pressure
This getting safe thing takes time
IF interaction is required, PLEASE, can it be limited to carrie and this situation.
FOR now, have to deal with the NOW.
thank you suffolk.
here is a link to some of the video and audio i captured of my five year horror.
please observe the DPA when looking.
https://thesimon.notion.site/3-Recordings-1-71ca82e5fa6949ecbdb4d35c442b63b4
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Please note that it is NOT possible for to read emails at the moment, due to health issues.
If one needs to get hold of me then the only way is to call, please.
If I do not answer please try again, I am not avoiding calls, just sometimes I cannot answer.
I also cannot listen to voice mails.
Text messages are okay if its possible to send to me.
I thank you for your understanding.
On 9 Mar 2023, at 19:35, Simon Edgley wrote:
just self diagnosed that i am at my bi-polar stage / don’t get here often / don’t remember last time.
was confused as that means i should have gone through my OCD stage / only to realise / slept 2hrs last night / 6m walk / most of day cleaning a hotel room (which is not logical – even though i understand why) / even changed the bed.
my diet has been 4 packs of new not-in-a-pot but in-a-packet pot noodles every day since moving here other than 2 i believe.
also fighting depression – forgot how it likes to remind one, hard, when things are going well.
only way i know to keep it at bay is laughter.
have taken decision to go to pub for max of 2hrs for laughter injection.
or
could be excuse to have 3 x double bourbon at the cheapest place in any town / weathersppons.
this one is a heck of a lot more OAP than my old one.
never mind, as least i don’t have to worry about being lynched – well, at least on the walk there 🙂
am trying / yes, we know, very trying.
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On 9 Mar 2023, at 17:31, Simon Edgley wrote:
that not one person whom has ever said that they love me – cares whether I’m dead or alive.
don’t know why that is now bothering me – have known it for years.
Maybe its bacuase of this feeling Safe is releasing processing power.
what i do know is there is a chunk of emotion starting to build up that is going to over whelm me.
night terrors are back – one was defiantly about the man whom would be known as my father dying and me not knowing – let alone go to his funeral.
don’t get me wrong – he is a nasty man that i wouldn’t choose to go to.
so why is this stuff bothering me?
once again i find myself somewhere completely new, knowing nobody, and it all coming down to somehow making friends with people.
something i used to do without thinking.
have to stop thinking about this completely, somehow, as just try8ing to find words for the emotions inside stops me from protecting myself from them hitting.
should be used to it being just me and Cat. given that i have spent this year, last year and the year before all on my lonesome.
have to turn it around – at least i don’t have to worry about getting bday or christmas presents for anyone – lol, like i could afford too antiwar.
right enough – i can feel the need to explode into tears – cannot give into that.
laters.
——————————————————————————————————————————
Please note that it is NOT possible for to read emails at the moment, due to health issues.
If one needs to get hold of me then the only way is to call, please.
If I do not answer please try again, I am not avoiding calls, just sometimes I cannot answer.
I also cannot listen to voice mails.
Text messages are okay if its possible to send to me.
I thank you for your understanding. |
