Update

I know the damage not sleeping does, which is why I am working so hard at something that has never been natural for me – to think most people just fall alseep most nights of their life.

My belief is, having lived so long under the veil of abuse, that the daily “is this going to be another day I have do deal with an attack by the council because they think I am lying scum”, is what is causing this.

Since my weekend away camping I have an idea of what stage I am really at in my battle to become part of society again – and it’s a damn site closer than I thought it was.

Furthermore, given that one of my rules is “work with what you’ve got, don’t wait for what you hope for”, I have everything I need to make this final leap back into normality.

Yet, based on my experience of two other councils, part of me is expecting to wake up to yet another sheriff of the court telling me I have been evicted.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what more I could be doing. All I know is that “doing me best” isn’t good enough. Which can live with.

It’s now been six whole months that I have invested energy that I simple dont have in trying to fix a problem I shouldn’t have to face.

Last week was four nights of no sleep. Not been that bad for a long long time. Again, no real trigger as to why.
Again, all I know is that the symptoms of abuse manifests itself in ways one cannot imagine.

I’ve also just had a text from the DWP saying that I have a PIP reassessment and that scares the living crap out of me. If nobody believes me and it was owing to my social worker dealing with PIP and getting me it without me having to do a thing.

Anyways. Thank you for listening to me. While I do have a couple of people in my life ive learned that sharing too much with friends breaks a friendship and so I dont want to take the risk of destroying what little I have left. After all, ive managed to destroy the one thing that is supposed to be untreatable – the love a mother has for her son.

Please excuse any mistakes in the above, its taken all my energy to write this, nothing left to go back and check for mistakes; which is a sign that I must trust you as I am not concerned about being judge.